My tusheez

This blog was started once upon a time when a young girl at school didnt know better but thought otherwise. So the way earlier entries can be crass and words inappropriate so please don't judge. As now the person has evolved into someone older and wiser (hopefully) ..:.... But some of the entries were classic and hilarious so I don't have the heart to delete them :@ Well we were all young (read:wild) once, right?

Monday, July 31, 2006

Welcome to the FyUgly World

Funnily, these days, I've never been busier, people to meet, deals to make, pubs to patronise, band to sing with, friends to make,.. things to do.. things to clean up..

Heh.


A lot of issues went through my mind recently.

Some made me reasses my self worth.
Some made me realise how fyugly the world is.
Some reminded me how men are simply disgusting animals, really.

And I am not talking about heart breaks.

I am talking about men with power, with money, with status, with EGO, with no brain, with disgusting perception and attitude towards pretty younger ladies.


More than a year ago, I went for an interview.
An important director of a Huge Singaporean Company was offering me a position.


Over wine, cheese and a show-around, The interview went on more than smoothly. We talked about my qualifications, my visions, my interpesonal skills, my hobbies, his hobbies, his visions.... I was getting the job.

We then went for dinner where for a moment I realised.. damnn.. he was looking at me.
Like STARING AT ME.

This is getting so scary. He was handsome for his age, which I would reckon to be late 40s. Very fit, very charismatic man with his smarts and slicks. His names came out in papers occasionally. But still.. I mean he's probably married. I mean, I wouldn't even dream of him making a pass at me. Though I suppose, possible.

Okay lah. look only nevermind right?? People quite pretty what...

So nairmind. We talked more on Indonesian market, businesses, what my dad does, people whom he knows, contacts whom I know.. blah blah yadah yadah..

So, he offered to drive me back. Heh. It was like way out of the way.

But I thought, whatever lah.

In the car, we spoke some more and out of an exciting conversation, his left hand flew from the steering wheel to my lap. Briefly. But more like tapping, or slight slapping.

Gave me a shock. I then rested my handbag on my right lap from then on.

I hated it. Shyite man, what was that for????? I hate the fact that I wouldnt dream of offending him, because of his stupid fyucked up status whatever SHITE, though I probably would slap him if he did go wayyyy beyond that. But at that time, I guess I was still stunned.

Naturally, I turned down the job offer.

I saw him again a few months back at Riverine, he was loitering around. He asked me if I still want to work for him. Eh.. sorrry. I am not the kind who would sleaze my way up to the top.


This is not the only case, mind you. I have tons of drinking kakis who are MDs lah.. directors lah.. VPs lahh.. CEOs lahh..and not all of them are filled with integrity to the brim. Most are lacking big time. All are probably as old or older than my dad.

Having grown up with less than half a dad, well, I guessed I've always missed that father figure. I never saw anything wrong with making such good friends with them. I have friends of all ages, from those very young to those very old, anyway.
Yes, those men were good business acquaintances. And they seem thrilled at the thought of the company of a pretty young woman who can hold a good, witty conversations from music, to business, current affairs, engineering stuffs, to investments to politics.

Excuse me. I am not a bimbo.

My line of work involves a hell lot of mingling and PR with people from all walks of life.. from high net worth people to contractors and everyone else.

Some of those bosses, are very very nice, indeed, but somehow, at the back of my mind, the phrase: "All men are animals" never stop ringing.

All men are animals.

Same thing with those damn bosses. I see some going to KTV, grabbing nubile ladies like there's nothing wrong with it. In Jakarta, in China, even in Singapore. I am pretty damn sure my dad does it too. It comes with the job as a business man. This is the side dish they like most.

Everywhere lah. The same. The world is ugly yah?
Isn't it disgusting to think that one of them could be like my friend's friend's dad or something. Or long distance uncle or something.

The same rule applies.

They're all the same.


It's sad.


Sometimes, I wonder where the line is. Friendliness and sleaziness.
Is putting the hand around the shoulder okay?
Is putting hand on the small of the back okay? how about waist??
Ahh.. what if they're a bit tipsy? Can cut them some slack? Absolutely not.

Mind you, I've slapped at least 3 men for squeezing my arse. They fyucking deserved it.

I hate these RUDE! physical contacts.

If it's just slightly offensive to me, like a tap on the arm or slight grasp on the shoulder or waist, I would normally just wry away or something.
I really would like to have the courage to say :"Please do not do that".

I have to some. But not to all. Somehow, it just seemed that it's part of ther behavioural pattern, they're just friendly that way. I may offend them by saying that. And there goes a friend.

Blardy Hell.


Hell, I am not to be compared with those comfort women, they throw themselves at the men, they are cheap skanks. This is the only way they earn dough. Poor thing I know. But they're stupid what. Me and mom believed that no matter how poor we ever get, we will never do such thing. I'd rather be a maid, a toilet cleaner or even a port coulie, rather than to ever sell my body for money. They have the lowest dignity of them all.

So sometimes, I question my self worth. Hell.. I will never go anywhere there, and yet, I am always so close by. Shite man. Sometimes I am so sick of this. I've seen how it all works, how they negotiate a prostitute in Shanghai in front of my very eyes. Argh,. How my friends pick up KTV chicks. URGH. And HOW these bosses sometimes (I fear)... may look at me with a certain different light.

World. Not pretty.

Is it so dangerous to go for beer with 4-5 old men, I do this a lot.
And they're always Atas people. I always thought that it's nice to have wiser company, I missed having a fatherly figure. I never really drank beer and talked about nothing and everything with my dad, over beer and peanuts and lots of happiness. My dad, as good as gone.

Also, I learn a lot of things from them. Tricks of the trade, their experience, I want to learn everything and they are so willing to share, especially to pretty young girls. I love their company most of the time. Interesting conversations, sharing stories, experience, business tips, etc. They can pull strings for you and give you useful contacts too. As a bonus.

Sad if. Very Sad that is, if . If they happen to look at me any other way.
Like I am some sort of a comfort woman with much much more brains and wit than the cheap skanks. Geee. I suppose in this case, being a pretty young woman is a duble edged sword. Suppose it helps that I surprise then from time to time with what I know and the fact that I know quite a bit of everything. Hell. But still. Sometimes, I wish I could turn the table around.

I want to have the power.

Sometimes I think the world is damn fyugly that I just want to run away from it all.

Is these no integrity left in the men of this world???


Big Sigh.












Okay, enough reflections and wailings.

There's so much more things in life.

Heh.


Like a mother's love. So what if my dad had unofficially disowned me.


Mom has been cooking up a feast at home. It's heavenly.

I'd like to present:
....

BAKMEE AYAM ala Celly's mami!







Wahhaha.. one whole pot of SAMBAL!

Ahhh.... better than bak chor mee.. wayyyy better... and it's different of course..





The chilli is feisty for sure.





This is : Soto Betawi.

Indonesia has like hundreds of kinds of Soto I think.
Here in Singapore you've probably eaten Mee Soto and not much else.
Poor thing lah you guys.





This is the soto Betawi close up.. with sambal.. power..

Actually if anyone would like to try the bakmee or any other Indon cusine, I guess can always email me. Maybe can do take away services. Heh!

I want to open Indon restaurant leh.
In time.

Investors are welcomed to talk to me and try the food.. he he.


Ahh... ...

To conclude today, here's me and momi...lots of it..

We went to Cafe Iguana last week, I've been romancing her a lot !!!
Afternoon movies... chi chi dinners.. more movies.. ballet, musical.... ahhh... SO NICE--


Anyway, we cruised through Clarke Quay. She hasnt been there since,.. 1998 I think..
With my dad.. so much has changed...





mom clarke quay

We then finally decided to go to Cafe Iguana, for the cheap but blardy good Margaritas... 4.50 per glass during Happy Hour leh!

She tried her first Margarita there!!! Muahahah *evil laugh*




Momi and her BlueBeri margarita




Mom and her famous half smile.
I've been giving crash course on SMILING!




See.. i told her.. must smile like this..!!!!!!!!
hehe.. This is me beaming with my Chimichanga





She then tried smiling again.. hehehe.. laughing liao.. she's co cute,
Nobody knows she's my mom, she looks like my lesbian girlfriend or something.. huehuehueh




This is Mom n me at the bridge in Clarke quay. Thank you to the very very nice angmoh gentleman who helped us take the photo.





Last but not least..

That was yours truly, Fully metrosexual AKA Vain x 1000%..




Peace out....




xoxoxo

Behold for I've been Artsified!

The past week has been very arty farty for me. And I lubby lubbed lubbed it!



1. S11

I was recently invited to the press screening of S11, a locally produced movie. Thanks to sassyjan.



It will be screening at the PictureHouse soon, on 3rd August If I am not wrong.

This is my take on the movie:

Being locally produced, a lot of the events depicted make it closer to our hearts, it will on the other hand, be enlightening for the angmohs.
The fact that it's got so much Hokkian vulgarities somehow make it even closer to our hearts.. hahahaha...

It's really pretty awesome.

The story revolves a pretty simple scenario actually, 3 people are enduring the worst day of their lives. They met and a whole new concoction evolved.

The way they re-depicted a few scenes three times, through the eyes of the 3 different people was a genius move. And it ended with the whole thing kinda making sense, how the three 'stories' gradually weave one another very nicely kinda get you on your toes.

Not to forget, the bu is chio.

She's the typically skinny, lanky ah lian, but with a twist. She's one angsty go getter, my kinda girllll... Nuff reason to watch.
She wears very short short skirt also. And very short short top.

Nuff said.

So, I suppose, if you have time, go and watch. Support local productions lah.
Speaking of local productions. I found another gem.



CABARET




2. Cabaret

I spent Sunday afternoon at the lovely Durians of ours.





"Life is a cabaret oh chum. Life is a Cabaretttttttttttt"

I've been singing this line since Sunday. Ha.

FeiXiang was WooOOOTTT Sexy! He was... hmm.. different. That sexy German accent made my toes curl tooo..
Emma was her usual gem and the cast was just awesome. I am a new fan of Jason Chan who played Bradshaw too.

In case you didn't know. Cabaret is a show about a rather righteous American novelist coming to Germany, and introduced to the crazy lives revolving Kit Kat Club and a motel/closet brothel in Berlin, during the Nazi revolution era. KitKat is a promiscous club, full of scandals, crazy free spirits, smelling of sex. sex. SEX. It's just hilarious. They were unafraid of acting out the dirtiest scenes and jokes. I laughed my ass off.
I can't get over the way Fei Xiang, a cabaret girl and a cabaret boy, made fun of a long bolster and two small roundish pillows.

Heh heh.

Well done Singapore. Well done Toy Factory.

Mark Richmond had a role too. And his wife Beat was directing it very awesomely of course.

The dance bit was coreographed by Zaini Tahir of NUS Dance Ensemble. NOw that rings a bell.
I was once part of Ensemble until I left it for NUS Dance Blast which celebrated hip hop.

Zaini has always been amazing lah.

The whole thing was just awesome. Really.
Dirty, sexy, sassy, entertaining, A BIG LAUGHHHHHH!!!!

It was shown for 2 and half hour too. Worth every penny lah.

One more thing, the set.
Ofyuckinghell, the set was amazinngggggg... Goh Boon Teck is a genius!!!!


Watching Cabaret makes me ponder. Can I leave my 'correct' career to pursue my dreams of being a musical star like Emma???

Hmmm....

This is me and mom at the Esplanade



"Life is a cabaret Oh chummmm..."

Ahh... this gave me more drive and inspiration to finish up my musical too.
Maybe I soon , should talk about this musical I am writing. I am so bloody excited.


After given the chance to star in Love is In The Air at the Esplanade in June. I am now writing my own musical for the Musical Theatre Society, they're like an up and coming Toy Factory.
I keep revamping the script and it's always almost done. Thanks so much to the comments and tips from the MTS veterans.
Clement dear is nicely doing the music. I've heard a few done ones and it's really pretty good.

Let's hope it all ends well. If nothing goes wrong. It should be staged in Esplanade next year.
Hopefully it'd be good enough for the Theatre.

Ah, I'd like to have a starring role in it too. *beaming*








3. Ballet Under The Stars



Like as if one freaking good show in Sunday was not enough. I got free tix to the Ballet.
Thanks to Sandy babe and her friend, muax muax..
So, naturally, off I went, after finishing the Cabaret matinee show, with my mom.

It was lovely..

I supposed it needs no introduction, being around for 11 bloody years in Singapore.
Each year, not failing to capture the keen eyes of such a big audience.

Everyone would picnic away, sitting on the grass, basking in moonlight. Though in that day's context, basking under the thick clouds was more like it.


Nevertheless, the show was breathtaking. Nothing is quite as beautiful as ballet.

Mom loved it and I guess that was almost all that mattered.

Right then, I wanted to be a ballerina again.


____________



Marcelly, what THE HELL do you really want? SING, DANCE, ACT! Be BANKER, Open Indon Restaurant! Write musical! Star in musical! Invent green sustainable fuel?? Invent Hybrid Cells??! Open a Male Escort infested club!? Be a TAI TAI??!! WHAT DO YOU WANT????cant haVE IT ALL YOU KNOW???

Now that you've no full time job and is as free as a bird. Go and reflect a bit okay?
On top of that, of course help mom sweep the floor, hang the clothes and maybe cut the veggies. Worry not. No cooking for me. I wont taint her flawless artwork or the guests wont eat well.


=)

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Green Olde Me

Just the other day, I stunned myself.
That's quite rare. I don't normally surprise myself. Oh Blimey, maybe I do.


.

I looked up my archived files and found a file that was titled:

FYP final.

My Final year project essay.

Tee Hee Hee..

I openned the file and

Voila!

Fyucking 135 pages.

How did I come up with such long bullshit??
Heehuehuehuehue… So fun. I got A for writing crapshyits…

But I read already hor.. .. I was like.. WTH was I talking about manggg,, How did I know so much ah?? And that was just a year ago. My gold fish genes are taking over!!!

I have become sooo stupid, almost reading alien files.. what steam turbine, what isentropic efficiency.. what shyittt you talking about???

I read and read and I became fascinated. It was kinda rolling back to me slowly.
Alot of " Oh yaaaahh.. "... "Oooh...brardy heow." and " Alamak lehhh..."

My whole FYP was about cogeneration. Wait, before I bore you to sleep or worse, comatose. I am not gonna explain to you what’s cogeneration.
But I must tell you it was mostly based on a power plant in Singapore that produces electricty and heat out of RUBBISH! Yes! It runs on wood waste. Cool. Ahh..!!! It’s in Tuas leh. But of course they can't sell their electricity lah, only used for within the grid.

These things bring out my green peace passion and yadah yadah. I’m inborn with it. I’ve always been a very environmentally friendly person. Even in secondary school, I was one of those girls who refused to buy sandwich from Stall 1 in the canteen because they used plastic bags!!!

I bought mee rebus anytime man, can re-use the bowls. See, well honed green green green person.

In the pretty rare occasion where I flick my cig butts on roadside or stair corners, that would be either because I am drunk, I am angry at the world or the next bin is at least 150 m away.

What to do right? Who’s fault leh?
But don’t worry, very very little liao.
.
But of course in Jakarta different lah, you will get fined if you don’t litter.

But let’s move onto the bigger picture, forget cig butts or chewing gum. Liddle issues.
It’s time that the world worries about the depletion of oil supply and the massive air polution going on.

* sound effect: Deng deng deng.. deng…………*

Wot happenned to the many many potentials of alternative fuels?

Me, Jac and Sham met a jovial British lad at Harry's down Holland Village last Saturday.
We were just complaining about the pathetic, stupid, moronic yellow boxes drawn over smoking-allowed tables in the pubs. We quested and fought for yellow boxes.

Like in army lidat leh.. kanna punish under the sun, must smoke in yellow boxes pleaseee..


It was pathetic.

Okay lah, sorry lah. We smokers are outcasts in this world.

Quitting okay?

We finally sat down then there's this angmoh just as happy to find a yellow box. He was just sitting next to us. And we got talking.

The man is a mine/underground engineer who is building our SMRT circle line eh!!!!

DONT PRRAY PRRAY!!! Important man lehh..

Interesting, he told us a few things too many. About his work, previous, current, and the problems encountered.

Halfway, he complained about how SAFE Singapore is. SAFE (Super Annoving Frivolous Enactments)

One evening after work, the jovial lad was hanging out at Holland Village for drink with his friends. These friends of his used to be his colleagues for numerous previous projects all around the globe, the projects were mostly about underground bunkers, mines and tunnels, it involved tunnel testing, safety investigation, explosion tests, etc etc. So... they haven't met for a long time and were tied up in very exciting conversations regarding their past experiences.


They were talking about what explosives to use to test what... how big and how useful is this explosive and how good, how effective... how to put the explosives ..
and suddenly... someone tapped on the lad's shoulder.



He turned around and saw some strange Chinese face.

"Yes?" The lad started.

"May I know why you're talking about explosives?"

"Do I know you?"

"I am from the Singapore Police Force", he took out his badge and showed to the Brit lad.

"Er, so? Am I comitting any crime?"

"Why are you talking about explosives? You know you shouldnt talk about that! Especially in public!"

"But we are explosive experts, we work in tunnels and all that. We were talking about work"

"You know I can suspect you as terrorist and catch you!"

"Huh? Well, I am not!"

"You know that's why, you shouldn't be talking about explosives!"

$%^&@#!)&_O()@!~~:":!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You see lah!!! This is Singapore hor! Be careful what you talk about in pubs leh!

Warraw..

SO SAFEEEE HORRRRR.........


Anyway, the Brit lad and me touched on some energy issues:


1. Hydrogen bombs:

What happen to this? So much hoo ha last time. Yah Yeah. its not economical and all that shit. To fuse the hydrogen and oxygen together is just too expensive.
Apparently, yes... we have started using it for some projects, though not in cars and in a public scale as they are still worried about safety issue. But we do not have polluting problem with this one as the by-products are just water, nice! We can save draughts as well.

So, if we have a Hydrogen plant, then it produces energy and water eh! All-in-one Utility supplier! heuheuheue.. Thou that must be some of the most expensive water ever made, mang...

But yeah, for now, only for projects with tight safety supervision. But, wahh.. apparently people got start using oleady!!...
So, it's all about the wait.. Maybe next time got mini Hydrogen plant at the back of your beemer or somesing.. hueheuhe


2. Bio fuels

Ah.. yesh. I have been attending seminar abourit. All these esters, ethanol, diesel mixed or purely made of biomass, e.g plants waste or rubbish or basically plants.
Good shit. Now now.. go buy biodiesel supporting vehicles. Buy Hybrid cars too!

It will be worth in the long run. Save the world mahh..

I think I will invent hybrid3 vehicles, which run on a mix of solar energy, Hydrogen bombs, bio-fuels and self-charging-kinetic-operated batteries.

Yay!!!

Oh, eh, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 with mommy last week's Monday.
Jack Sparrow is way cool lah. He he.. He is like Captain Scary yah!!! Weird but... alluring bleh. hahah.. Mr Depp is just blardy good. I laughed my guts out in the middle of the show.
Go watchie, plus it's becoming the most revenue raking movie of the year in Hollywood.
Wee..

Friday, July 21, 2006

The Faraway Land Tale- The Next Generation Part 2

To read :
The Faraway Land Tale -Next Generation part 1

click here
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Princess and Captain finally found a wrecked, kampung motel and they have been staying there from day one. Everything was meant to go on ever so smoothly, eventhough the roof collapsed and the monsoon rain leaked into their little hut, and shoals of dead, rotten fish sometimes got washed by the dawn waves, onto their front porch, and sometimes onto their sleeping mats made of coconut leaves.
Smelly problems. You betcha!
.
But, somehow, it was all swell.
.
.

It was just the two of them, loving each other, loving every minute of it. Captain Scary was still Captain Scary, with his crazy antics and inexplicable tantrums.
He would scare the hell out of poor Princess,
whenever he gets angered, frustrated or sleepy.
But Princess, ever-lovingly, would forgive him
and grow into his patterned behaviours.
Until one day, the inevitable happened.

They had to part.

It was not that Princess had stopped loving Captain Scary, but if you thought you are going to get a foie gras when all you have is a prata, wouldn’t you leave prata to get the much chi-chi-ed French duck liver??
So naturally, Princess left Captain Scary for Captain Hunky (Captain H).

She met Captain H at the shore one afternoon.
She was collecting shells at the YellowSand Shore when Captain H saw her. It was love at first sight, for Captain H.

All throughout his life, he has been swarmed by long-legged, willing, gorgeous blondes and sometimes, brunettes. But he has never seen anything like Princess Silly.
She was so different that she was special.
She was short to start with, he has never seen a frame so puny, yet so round, so fragile looking. He wanted to quickly envelope her with his big frame and masculine warmth. She looked ever so ordinary and *gasp*, she looked ever so filthy,
but, somehow it was endearing to his (blinded) eyes.

Captain H was even more thrilled when he heard Princess Silly humming a tune from his favorite movie Star’s Warts.
Bah.

It was a lovely tune really.

To his ears at the least.

He walked up to her slowly, ever so cautious, ever so careful,
so as not to frighten the little, tiny lady out of her dirty frock.
A tiny step at a time.

Captain H was hunky of course, he had a built that of a Gladiator and a face and brawn that of any Greek God. He was what would be a HAWWTTTT Gay pin-up in our modern times. In that period, he was just a hunky captain with the most delectable looks ever. Oh, and the most delectable pelvic bones too. Which Princess spotted much later on when Captain H took off his vest to cover her under the monsoon rain.
Oh, Captain H is straight as a ruler of course.
Princess Silly didn’t like him straight away. When she turned around to see what was making rustling noises at the beach.

She frowned.

"What on earth is that THING?" She said in under her breath, at her first look.

She was never accustomed to nice looking things, because back in The Faraway Land where she came from, ugly was the way to live. Ugliness was rampant, normal and sometimes treasured. Anything beautiful would be killed within the next few hours.

Captain H continued to stare at her intently as he walked closer and closer to her. Princess saw this and got scared, she started walking backwards, a step at a time.
Alas, but she was one clumsy Princess, she tripped over a docked wooden boat and fell into it.

Captain H was amused, to her dismay. He rushed to her and offered her a hand. Princess saw the smooth hairs growing at the back of his hand and she was stunned.
Captain H had the smoothest hand. He had the tiniest hair on them and he smelled really, really nice.
It was almost like a fresh garden of berries. He smelled almost like yogurt.
Intuitively, she took his hand and sniffed it, which of course startled Captain H.

"Another willing, easy lay", He sighed.

Princess then threw his hand aside and climbed out of the boat herself.

"What did you think you were doing, Mister whoeveryourname is?
I have smelled your hand, now go!"

"I am Captain Horace, my friends call me Captain Hunky, but you can call me Captain H"

"What makes you think I’d call your name at all?"

"Ah. Of course."

Princess started walking away. She just hated arrogant men.
Hunky? Bah.
However, she could not get the fragrant smell of his hand out of her head.
She wanted to run back to him and smell it again.

"Captain Scary always has his hands smelling of sardines and mud.
Why can’t he smell like Captain H?",
Princess wondered.

Princess walked home alone that night.
She missed Captain Scary to bits
and she couldn’t wait to cuddle in his musty arm pits.
Days had gone by and Captain Scary noticed certain changes in Princess.
She started to act very weirdly.


She no longer picked up shells off the shore.
Instead,
she would go to the nearby garden
and pluck cherries and an assortment of berries,
namely; wolfberries, gooseberries, boysenberries, sexyberries and nightberries.
She would smell them one by one
and then mix everything in a basket
and smell them over and over again.
One time,
she made Captain Scary dipped his whole hand
into the basket filled with the mix of squashed berries.
She would then smell his hand
and heaved a huge sigh.
.
"What’s wrong Princess?"
.
"Your hand stinks"
.
"Does it? But you’ve always liked it"
.
"Not anymore"
.
Captain Scary was then saddened, angered and so, he walked away, just like how he would normally do. Captain didn’t return that night, or the night after, or the night after.
Princess wondered where he had gone. It had been days and she was worried. She went to the Many Berries Garden to look for him, but to her sorrow, she could not find him there.
"Selfish Captain moron, where did he go if not to smell like the berries I love!" Princess was upset then.
.
At this moment, came Captain H. Princess was pleasantly flabbergasted.
He was towering over with all his coolness and greatness.
And Captain H smelled exactly the way she wanted him to.
Like the berries.
Ah.
Berries.

"We’ve met again little lady, may I know your name, Pretty please?"


"Uh.. ", Princess took a while to regain her composure.
"They call me Princess Silly, but please don’t call me princess ass (S)"

"I see what you mean. Of course I won’t. I wouldn’t want to disrespect you."

The moments were then temporarily still. Charged with blinding emotions, stirring and engulfing the air surrounding them.

" Would you care for some berries? " Captain H started again.

"Ah… yes please", Princess said with a wide, wide, Bob the Cat smile.


She was enthralled by his presence and his smell of berries. In a very nice way. Berries…. Berrriess… Sweet berries..

Princess did not go home that night.
She found her goldberry mine.


^_^



Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Faraway Land Tale - The Next Generation

Something has led me to this.
I am not sure WHAT!
But something made me think of what might have happened to the poor miserable souls stranded in neverland.
Captain Scary & Princess Silly are back, with more miserable, dark-cloudy stories of themselves.
To read the first story and thereafter:



And so the story had it.
The unmistakable and much feared occured.
Captain Scary and Princess Silly vowed to each other for eternal love, or so they thought.

Captain pulled off his sheepish sideway grin and Princess Silly had been overjoyed.
And the vow was then sealed with a kiss, slobbery and unenticing.


Let us recall how such a calamity occurred:


Princess and Captain met at the pier of the sad, ugly shore.


"Whaa.. Whaatt,, could you possibly be doing here? At such undecent hours of the day? Monsieur"


"Ermm.. it's sunrise time, Madamme"

"Indeed it is, you should be asleep!"

"I couldn't"

"You couldn't sleep? Oh, but why?"

"Because.. My mind's in a murky puddle, Princess.."

"Hmm.. Why would that be? Pray tell me..".

"Because of you Princess, I couldnt help not thinking about you... and thinking about what I should say next...right this moment..."

(I know... getting fyucking cheesy, right? You gonna throw eggs at me?
Better make that the bi dan eggss ohrr! My fave..)

"Well, what were you going to say, Captain??" Princess helped.

Captain looked down to the ground and spotted some ants busy working at a tree stalk. He smiled and looked up at his Princess. Their eyes met.

His very words were:

" Princes, I … err.. ..
Err... I've been thinkingg... You know... I mean... YOu are just.. so... ,, you know.. you are like the bossoms.. erhh.. I mean blossoms.. you know.. fresh.. and... you know...you are cheerful and shiny.. just like the buns.. erh I mean the sun.. yeah..
Eerrr...I think..
Ermm... Princesss...ssss....sssss....ssssss....."
Princess looked hard at him, he looked like he was trying to shit a brick out.


"Captain!!"


"YES??"

" You're trying to bonk me, is it?"

"Er, that would be nice!"
.
"Why don't you just say so??!!! You, silly old man!"


"Oh, Princess... I LOVE YOU!!!!"


"Oh Captain.. "

_____________

Basket, what kind of love story is that? WTF!!!!!
So, let's just get it over and done with. I tell you what happened next.
Princess and Captain decided to move away, to build their own cosy, private, little nest where the outside world wouldnt disturb and corrupt their tranquility and intense loving.
Where the shores shine off peach blaze and the clouds above are pink and puffy.
Where the meadows are golden and the trees shady.
Where Princess could lie all day long in Captain's warm arm pit and serenade a song from The Green Kermit over the Rainbow.
.
So, they took out the atlas and started to throw around a piece of tree bark, which was more like a splinter, it was small and sharp and it almost pierced Princess a few times.
.
They would then run, fly or float to whichever island on the atlas the splinter landed on.
(Means of transport to be decided later on)
The splinter seemed to keep flying away with the sporadical gusts of wind upon each throw, and young ocouple was left with no destination chosen after many trials.
So Captain decided to not throw it anymore.
Instead, he made Princess hold it with her midgety fingers and he would then guide her finger along the atlas.
.
"Captain?"
.
"Uh huh? "
.
"This way, I don't think I need the splinter at all, I can just point it with my finger"
.
"You are right, princess. Let's do that"
.
So, Captain freed Princess' finger of the thorny splinter.
Their eyes then met and both their gazes trailed down to where her pointed finger was.
To see where exactly it was pointing.
.
"Uhh.. How do you read that one? The tiny dot there" Captain started.
.
"Can you read at all Captain?" Princess politely asked.
.
"Um..No", Captain was non-chalant as usual.
.
"Oh.. that's okay. This one reads: Sing- ah- poor"
.
Singapore.
.
Heh.
.
What extremely nasty luck.
.
So, they took one koyak sampan and sailed across seven seas to Singapore, which was really stupid because had they gone the other way,
they'd only have to sail across one.
Captain was once a mighty sailor.
But Captain was getting old. His Navigation skills were no longer as sharp.
But Princess was happy to sail seven seas with him.
He was the best company she's ever had.
Captain would sing her songs about opium and poppy flowers
with his low, husky voice,
although out of tune.
Captain would also catch her some feathery friends to grill and consume.
His favourite was the pigeon.
He heard it was a delicacy in some Oriental place and he boasted to Princess about it.
She was beaming with pride.
.
Overtime,
She grew accustomed to his mood swings.
She would know exactly when he would frown again, and raise his voice again.
It was becoming a recognisable pattern.
.
Overjoyed,
She loved him for everything that he is.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.


Ahhh...



But, Alas.



Nothing stays perfect forever.
Over moreeee and moreeeeee and longerrrr time,
..
the table turned.
...
..
Princess soon got a little bit sick and bored of Captain's antiques,
because they were repeated.
They became predictable, abstract abyss.
It had become an erratic, yet regulated cycle
of drunkenness, sillyness, grouchiness, sleepiness,
then back to drunkenness.
.
Although, he is ever so funny when drunk.
That doesnt mean she didnt love him when he wasn't,
because he made her laugh in the afternoons too,
though in a subtler way.
Princess pondered for sometime.
"What should I do? But I love him... I do..."
.
Princess would wonder....
.
.
Nevertheless, still, she persevered,
she would love him boundlessly.
She knew and believed that that was just a passing phase.
.
When Captain lashes out his antiques,
his charms and weirdness,
she was cocksure,
sure that she would fall in love with him all over again.
It'd be that easy.
She just had to wait for his magic shows.
,
.
So, wait, she would.
,
,
,


Finally, their sampan docked at a certain stranger-land shore, with mangrove swamps,
vast greeneries and shady trees.
Captain has not shaved for yonks, well actually it was just a few months but it seemed like yonks.
He looked like one very angsty orang utan.
Princess got off the sampan and explored the new shores.
The white sands beneath her feet was a welcome change.
It was beautiful and it was warm to the touch.

She turned around and saw the mad man of her life, almost not recognising him.
With beards, side burns and hair as long as might.
She frowned at the sight.
.
"What happened to my scary, yet sexy Captain?"
She thought.
.
She was then received by a few seamen,
who were repairing their marvellous boats at the other side of the shore.
She beamed at their smiles and kind gestures.
Their sculpted bare bodies were gleaming like silver in the daylight sun.
"What a beautiful sight", Princess claimed.
.
Captain, however, was not very happy.
He obviously felt threatened.
So, he walked away (with his style) and sat in one corner,
smoking his pipe,
until Princess came back from her mingling session.
By then, he had forgotten what he was angry about to start with,
that was just the way he was
and Princess loved him for it.
They then discovered that they have reached the much anticipated island,
of Singapore.
They liked it.
The people were friendly, although busy like bees.
The place was spring-clean although bustling.
It was different from what they expected out of a faraway place to escape to,
where they might find peace and tranquility.
But they liked it enough to stay at least a while.
Peace they shan't find.
And turmoil awaits.
.
Later on that day, the loved up O'couple went around the little island for a place to stay.
It was a chore.
One hostel to another hotel to another brothel and to another motel.
.
"Princess, looks like all the whatever-tels don't want us"
.
"Relax Captain, I am sure there's somewhere...."
.
"Well, you know what they say when Joseph and Mary couldnt find a place to stay before they stayed in the barn to give birth to Christ"
.
"Uh huh?"
.
"Obviously they couldn't!! It was Christmas EVE!!"
.
"Ah! .. My captain is so witty", She pinched his cheeks.
.
-----end of next generation part 1-----
--stay tuned for more silly tales (if you must)--
------------
.
.
.
***********

Monday, July 17, 2006

My Fyugly CALF - Don't read if you expected chio bu pictures...

Other than new house, I've been nursing something else too.

I've been nursing my bike exhaust pipe wound.

Remember how the maggoty sight look? *shudder*


Now, It's healing nicely but it still looks friggin disgusting leh..


Hmm.. dunno if I should put it up..


ITS STILL QUITE DISGUSTING LEH!



I hope you're not munching anything now.






Spit it out first! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








This was wound in week 2.






IIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


I was still visiting the doctor every 3 days to check up, then.


But this is wound week 4 onwards..





It looks something like this now, damn friggin uglyyyy laaahh..

And that day I wore skirt. Hahaha.. madness.. so ugly.
But at least no more puss, blood and all that.


I hope the scar would not be so obvious =)..



*sobs*..

*sobs*..

My legs are damn fyucking ugly as they are already!!!!


Aiyah so sorry for the ugly pictures of my right calf..


I am also sorry I have them...


I am so fyucking sorry I am such a clumsy cowww...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







Along the same ugly lines,


I have other ugly things happening too.

Now I miss Captain Scary.
Ugly right? I saw him last week. Yes, we are all civilised friends. He was so civilisedly nice. *sigh...*

I wonder what we'd like had we been in another world, another place.



And soon, I shall depict my life with my mom. It's nice. It's like I almost forgot what it's like to be pamperred by someone who loves you a hundred percent.

Nice.

So nice.

House is a bit empty now, 3 bed rooms and the two of us, kinda lonely sometimes. Delightfully peaceful most times. But when the kids are here, it should be quite a mad house.
With mom cooking and cutting veggie and skinning chicken and making noodles all round the clock. She's like an energizer bunny. Gosh.


Ah, can someone tell me where is a good place to put up ad about getting student tenants ah?
I only put up in Indon newspaper. Oh well, sure hope someone called soon.

If you know any overseas student needing accomodation plus plus. Email me then: marcellys@gmail.com

Get The info on it here.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

New Home

I am so proud of myself.

For the first time, I actually my 'own' place. I know I didn't buy it. I rented it.
But the whole of 3 bedroom condo, I got it and paid for it myself, furnished it myself.

I also bought all the home gadgets, TV lah, stereo lah, beds lah... Though still havent' finished buying.
I bought my first TVs, dining table, 4 single beds, wah.. so many lah...

I think credit card bill next month is gonna give me heart attack.

But I think mom likes it.


She better lah.. Man, sometimes I still dont understand her.
How could she want to sleep on a 400 bucks mattress??
So expensive for farkz ah. Mine was not even 200 lor.. Same same got spring what..

So, in the end she conned me into spending more for a mattress that apparently support your back, give you good postures and spinal structures and SHITS like that. MOTHERS! Hahaha.. okay lah.. maybe she got some points there..


Still, *sigh*.. 400 bucks can buy at least 8 shoes leh!

Then I thought of my cheaper one. Heh. I sleep okay on it for the last one year leh. It's kinda different when you have to spend YOUR own money for necessities like this.
I still remember, donkey years ago, in primary 6, back home in Jakarta, I demanded for a king-size waterbed from dad for getting first in class. He got it for me, I think that time waterbed for 1 grand was expensive. But I didn't feel anything. But, now, I barely just started my career, if I have to spend 1 grand on a stupid matress, I will go bonkers. Anyway, water bed just burst last year, flooded my whole room which is now my dad's room.

Ahh.. the issues with growing up and growing old and now growing broke...

We have been trying to decorate our house nicely, though in a more econmical way. My mom got this 7 bux per set colourful bulbs to hang on the wall, from Thailand..






So pretty..




Got one more at the living room there..

I took photoes of my bed next to hers, both with no frame, quite fun leh. Then we have a super-sized bed, two queen mattresses next to each other. Can make into a wrestling ring if you install the railings around it liao.


And nowwww... I show you the guest rooms..







I have two of these guest rooms, one is still empty.
I am looking for 2 students!!
I will be buying desks soon.

So, please let me know if any overseas student would like to stay here!
I am looking for (normally) Indonesian kids (primary-tertiary) who would like to study in Singapore and is looking for a host family cum guardian.

So, help me spread the word?? I would really appreciate it =). I buy you dinner lah!!!



The accom. package would include laundry, meals 3 times a day (home cooked Indon/Chinese/International cuisine), cleaning, internet, wireless broadband 4000, tuition available separately, cable tv, fax, phone,etc etc. Basically all taken care of.

Facilities include swimming pool, jacuzzi, study room, tennis, basketball, security, bbq pit, sauna, etc etc.

The condo is new and it's gorgeous =)


Thank you !!!




Ah, here's TeeeVeee.
Wah piang.. I wanted to buy plasma,. but I think wait one or two more year lah hor.. No need to spend so much on something thats gonna depreciate in value very fast.







Remember help me spread the word about the host family yah!!
I really need more student tenants, else will go bankrupt soon. =)


Heh Heh.


Thank you in advance!!


xoxoxo

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

MOS Ming Send-Off

Amidst my heartbreaks, my soul searching, my house moving, my mom loving, my IKEA table building, my errands running, my musical writing my million other other responsibilities and many other things that have been keeping me busy for the past few weeks or so.

I still got time to sneak out and party. Muahaha. Though nowhere near often like last time.But that's good! Save Money!

I dropped by Riverine on Wednesday to have a pre-glow before Mambo. I didn't have to go to River, I could go straight to Wine Bar and have my one-for-one. I was heading out alone. But I had this HUGE hunch that Gary might be there.
I don't know why. I just had it. I just had to go there and see for myself. Like Forces of Nature calling.

So, I told the cabbie :" Robertson QUay"... sigh... why am I running to where he is ah..well, I did want something from him. His van.

As it turned out, he WAS there and so, I asked him if I can borrow his van to help me move house the coming Saturday. *sigh*. The bugger so nice went and said yes, I feel so bad he had to wake up Saturday morning to shift dining table, huge chunk of glass and suitcase for me, somemore I think that day, he not very good mood, he drove his van all the way singing to Bob Marley and hardly talked to me at all. So much like the Captain Scary Gary I know. Haha.. But still, I don't know how to thank him yet. He refused to stay for lunch. Maybe he's scared of my mom. But I don't know why hor, I've been having this weird, intense 6th sense that if Gary DID get to know my mom, he will be super nice to her and will really sayang her one. Just a stupid hunch. Probably sayang her more than sayang me cause she's more adorable anyway.

Okay, anyway, I left for Mambo that Wednesday, I got damn drunk. Mind you. Totalled. Faded. I cant believe I woke up in time for work and felt fine.

A few days later, I had to go to MOS.

Basically, Ming was flying back to Jakarta then Texas last Monday, so we had to party the weekend before that. I had to come out for air anyway, plus I don't know when I will see Ming again. *groann..*..


So we all went to MOS. I rested on Friday by the way! You see now I am such a good girl!!
Saturday daytime, I was busy moving furnitures, screwing those fyucked up IKEA tables and unpacking and doing up the TV and stereo systems leh! So damnn tiring!!! I am like THE MAN OF THE HOUSE!


But still, for good ness sake, I still came out to MOS at night.

Here's some FOTO.


This is Ryan the British- Indonesian- Canadian gay-pinup.
This is one guy who blacks out most of the day. Think I mentioned before.




He was upset that so many guys picked him up so we took one pimpish photo lah.

Fi-Ry-me




Fiona, Poche and me. Fiona so pretty. I look so tired. Haizz.. getting old.

Poche... haizz.. must hang out with POche more. Poche is funny man. POche is nice and Poche stays right smack prime Orchard area.





This is Ming and me, I am gonna miss this bugger so much.



This is Ryan and his antiques. Crazy MTF openned a bottle and forced Ming to get damn drunk.
When he's like a goner himself. He has blacked out already by the way.






Me and Fi again.



Again... more chiobus =)






Ming & me.





Again. But this time, I acted damn sloshed. Act only okay..
I am drama mama!

How? Looks real anot??





Again, can't get enough of him yet. Haha.. Ming is such a blardy nice lad. If only I am still 19, if only I am still studying in some UNI in US .. heuhuheu.. if only.....





This is Tony and me, Tony is apparently Fi's friend and Tony is cool cause he reads my blog. Muahahaha..



I was lookin sad. Cause Ming was leaving so fast to go and cruise Alaska with his mom and dad. What is there to see in Alaska? Penguins?? Polar bear?? so boring mah..!!!
Uhh..





Halfway through the night. My shoes had to spoirrr..

The soles came off..



soleless me..

KNS


Well done!




Then the whole thing came off, I ended up dancing bare-footed KNS the floor so dirty, lucky no broken glass. Check out how fyucking dirty the jeans are.





I went home about 3 or 4.. Was knackered man...
In the cab, I looked at my baby iPaq



*ahh.. the wallpaper so nice..* (haolian)

And I got a text-message from Cat in Dublin..


Apparently she misses me.. sigh.. I miss her too. What's she doing so far away. She told me she loved the orange G-string I sent her. Good girl.
I am thinking of moving to London for a while man, may have lobang, I don't know how that plan will pull through though. So many things to consider. There's my musical for next year's Esplanade staging. There's my mom. There's My new place. And there's my life. And yet, there's part of me just wanting to run away from all these.. far far away...

My needs, my wants, my must-haves, my responsibilities, my demands, my deservings, my directions, my decisions and the lack of it...


My confusions..

Monday, July 10, 2006

Kyoto Protocol and Freedom of Speech (Or the non-existence of)

I was brought on this subject the other day at work.
On the selling of Carbon credits and Kyoto Protocol.


Let me summarise you a glimpse of Kyoto Protocol:
The Kyoto Protocol is an agreement made under the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC). Countries that ratify this protocol commit to reduce their emissions of carbon dioxide and five other greenhouse gases, or engage in emissions trading if they maintain or increase emissions of these gases.

The Kyoto Protocol now covers more than 163 countries globally and over 65% of global greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions.

The objective is the "stabilization of greenhouse gas concentrations in the atmosphere at a level that would prevent dangerous anthropogenic interference with the climate system" UNFCCC-2.

*YAWNNNN*.. but you got the gist??? Basically, it's a good will agreement to control GLOBAL greenhouse gas emission, especially CO2.


So, each country is given a certain quota/credit for Carbon emission.
They can only give out so much Carbon, else kanna penalised. Some countries actually do not use up their quota so much, like Singapore, because we're so environmentally friendly and technologically advanced, well regulated by NEA, so we have extra Carbon quota.

Countries who have excess quota are allowed to sell it to other countries who need it more.

This is so that the total GLOBAL emission stays the same at the end of the day.

But to me, this is RIDICULOUS LAH!!

It's like selling Grant for other country to go and pollute some more.. Like a bit WTF right?

Anyway, if any cleaner country wants to sell their excess quota, Please dont sell to Indonesia -especially Jakarta there, my dad gonna kanna dust chokage already, on top of his Sampoerna loaded lungs. (Lucky he got the detox powder, no wonder still so healthy)
Please... somemore we got bird flu.. please save us!!
Anyway, Indons, we have no money, they can maybe buy 1 more gram of Carbon credit, light up one ciggarette, then no more credit liao..

But seriously, I don't think they are abiding at all, I'm talking about Indonesia. *sigh*..., why my country like that one. I think they sure keylong and go for extra quota and noone ever count the Carbon emission quantity lah!! See the air is black colour liao, no need to wait for forest to burn, there's permanent haze. Fyucking Polluted lah. Nevermind Green house gases, even normal hygiene and cleanliness is way below acceptable limit. Where got time! Save the people from corruption and birdflu and stupid gahmen and volcanoes : is very very time consuming liao!

Anyway, the authorities never do work one what, cause they claim they're underpaid, but too lazy and too scared to go on strike, so wait for keylong money. So if got one MTF big company want to set up some plant with no proper scrubber in Indonesia, I guess, as long as he got the MULAH he can even plant an unauthorised nuclear plant at his compound and noone will say a thing.

Pockets fat can already.

But who stupid enough to do that lah hor? Do anything so high-scale in that haunted, God forsaken place is damn sia-suay one. People so cunning, place so dirty, gahmen so corrupt, bomohs so powderfull, president or no president no difference. You nuclear plant will blow in no time. Either because of stupidity or not enough keylong money or something. So many MNCs pull out from Indo *sigh..*.. I am not going back there. I thought we were improving liao.. but.. snail pace and now got pandemic flu threats and terrorisms... *sigh....*....

Actually, we should really feel grateful being in a country like Singapore where these stupid, more terror-posing threats do not realy exist. Horr.. but Compraining is a bit in our blood haha..
I dunno, coming from a country that was like a shambles, Singapore is a welcome change for me, so safe, so advanced, so civilised, quite happening too.. it's one of the best place to start your career or business too, no corruption (or very very minimal anyway) and pro-biz environment. Oh well..

Back to the Kyoto Protocol and Carbon Quota.

I can imagine the gahmens of one very polluted country (like Indo, Thailand) and one not-so polluted country under the carbon limit like Singapore, NZ, etc, talking in some secret meeting liao:


"So, You want pollute or you want me pollute? I can pollute somemore cause my country so clean.. But, I sell you some credits lah.. then you can go and build more plants with no scrubber then chok-chok more people to death..? How?? A few millions oni ..."

" Uuhh.. I think cannot afford. Why not we take credit payment on the carbon credit?"

"Then how? Pay as you go ah? You think phonecard ah? You use one more kilo, you pay me a few grands ah? You think what?? "

"But, I gotta build this mine and mill lah, if not will kanna fyucked jialat jialat by the Bush familee.. I got no more quota liao.. *whisper*.. in fact, actuarry burst the limit liao..."

"You settle your own stuff lah, dont bring my carbon into this"

"Dont liek that lah.. I pay more"

"How much?" *chuckles over the phone*
_____________


A bit stupid right? Selling rights for people to do more bad things?
I wonder can sell my bad karma anot ah...

"Eh.. I pay you 50 bucks then you take away this bad karma I will get in few days. Can? It's not much, just fall down from the stairs only"

Hur Hur..

Anyway, these cleaner countries hor, if got excess of carbon quota then maybe they should keep it for themselves lah.. or maybe get some kind of bonus prizes from the UN, maybe keychains or free trip to Somalia.

They should NOT be allowed to sell, right? Correct anot??

Okay lah... this is not political blogging ah. This is just an opinion on one of the global environmental issues ah!

Sigh, stupid lah. Now even Mr Brown got suspended from writing TODAY column. I miss his columns already, I used to read it every Friday. I am so sad leh. I always giggled at his honest opinionated accounts, very funny, very light hearted what. Now Mr Miyagi also quit. Aiyah. I think now I don't bother queuing up for the TODAY paper at the MRT every morning liao.

Sigh...

So much for freedom of speech I suppose.

I don't know..


But I heard this joke before:


Malaysia and Singapore went for a fishing competition across the strait, across the causeway.

So, Malaysia fished on their JB side, Singapore fished on the Woodlands side.
After 4 hours, Malaysians caught many many fish, but Singaporeans caught none.
This doesn't make sense, some water what? How come no fish on this side near Singapore leh?

So, the premiers discussed their findings.

Singapore: It's not fair, how come our side have no fish.

Malaysia: Gott..alot alot of fish..

Singapore: Then how come cannot catch any?

Malaysia: Coz your fishes that side cannot open the mouth to catch the bait.



hur Hru.. Uhrr..




Can't remember who told me liao..



Ah..


Peace.

Pizz

Piss.




Ahh... I want to fly to Shanghaiiii.........

Or not...


Michelle mentioned the other day:" Why you keep going back to your dumps ah? Rubbish already go get new one lah.."...


Wise words from the super chio bu!


Ah Ah..I found more wise words today :

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery

Today is a GIFT. That's why it's called present, marh...


So, savourrrrrrrrrr it whenn you can.. Like when eat laksa, savourrr everrrryyy drop, taste allll the flavours slowly... And when you're kissing someone.. savourrrrr every sensation... see.. this is actually a form of meditation you know? Being aware of your sensations.


Okay lahh..



Back to sensing my keyboard for other things...



=)




PS: I am learning how to sign up with youtube so can upload some videos leh.. but dont be too happy, no porn! Ha. I am gonna try taking vid clips with me IPAQ and stuffs. Thanks to I.Z, I will ask more of his guidance soon sial.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

To all the Boys I've Loved Before - Albert Hammond-Celly

This was one song my mom used to frown at whenever my dad sang it over at our home Karaoke system donkey years back.


To All the Girls I've Loved Before -by Albert Hammond (click for lyrics)


Ah... Now I remember how the song went. Kinda lovely actually.
However, the words... tsk tsk..
Mr Hammond needs spanking.


Now, for all the boys I've loved before, who still have space in my heart, somewhere. Some has occupied bigger portion than others. Thanks to those who hurt me, Very sorry to those whom I hurt. The former much more than the latter anyway.

This entry is dedicated to those who dare to love, who dare to endure pain, who dare to pick themselves up, dust themselves and love again.

It's also dedicated to of course, the boys, the men I've loved before.

Love itself, is a mystery, a phenomenon, an entrapment, yet to some, the ticket to freedom.
Love can have so many forms, so many faces, so many sides, so many shadows and so many meanings.
Some says love does not love forever, some proclaims theirs do.

But to me, love is almosttt undescribable, almost a delusion.. an illusion.......

Love is when you adore someone's good points and accept his bad points.
Love is when you would do anything in this world to keep that person happy.
Love is when your life starts to revolve around that person.
Love is when you start to lose your mind.
Love is when rational is irrational, when non sense is sense.
Love is when you feel it. You'd just know.



To Kenny,

You were my first love. And they say that first love is the purest and truest. I can't dispute that, especially when I had it with you. We lasted longer than we ever thought we would, didn't we? 6 years was a bloody long time.

There are just endless things that I love about you.
I love how you were so shy to even talk to me when we first met, at Lower School,Concord College, we were only just 16. I love how you called me 'Xiao Bu Dian' because I'm so short and petite. I love how you would do the most crass things to me and laugh it off, including farting in my face when I was sleeping. I love how would let me hug you tight-tight for 5 minutes before we sleep each night. I love how you act cute and repeat every word twice, eat-eat, eggy-eggy, =). I love how you referred to me as your 'ma tzi' to your fellow Taiwanese. I love how you look up to me and adore me in so many ways. I love how you would withstand my tantrums and incomprehensible patterns. I love how you always remind me how cute and adorable I am eventhough at one time, I was 63 kg!
I love how you really, really love me the way I am. I love you for letting me be me and never let me change a thing.
I love how you adore my loud voice and my hyena shrieks and laughter.
I love how you could help me release the innerside of me, the side that died away, the side that was waiting to emerge all along. I love how you wouldn't mind me any other freaking way, with pimples, with tummy, with glasses, with rashes, with ear-spoiling loudness.
I love how you would bathe me in cold water whenever I get very bad rashes.
I love you for standing up for me and my dignity and got into a fight that resulted in a big piece of glass window to break on your skull. I love how you tried to learn Indonesian and then said those words to me, my favourites are of course, 'Malam Sayang", while yours is probably "bego!". I love how only you would understand my every Chinese sentence, especially when noone else can understand. I love you for knowing me so, so well. I love how we say the same things at the same times many times. I love you for being so damn down-to-earth, simple, humble and civilised.
I love you for being so fyucking good looking (*drool*) for looking like Takeshi + Tony Leung, for having 8 pecs, for having the sexiest pelvic muscles ever, for being so drool-worthy on the basketball court, for being MVP at each game, for getting offer to play for England's National Junior Team, and for still being so humble about it all. I love you for being so generous and so willing to spend so much of your pocket money to give me surprise presents, which you really didn't have to. I love you for being so thoughtful and caring, eventhough you overslept my dentist and doctor appointments. I love you for watching the World Cup 2002 with me eventhough we still had that never-ending dispute about how football is boring, basketball is not and vice versa. I love you for running back to me each time we bumped into a huge hurdle, which we faced once too many times in that 6 years. I love you for being so easy to live with, so patient and so sociable, all my friends love you. I love you for being so funny and witty, unafraid to look super stupid to make others laugh, you were always the centre of the crowd, everybody loves Kenny. I love you for being just so damn likeable. I love you for not being able to cook, (darling, your veggies everytime stir-fry until disintegrate already). I love you for giving me the humongous bear bear that could hardly fit my embrace for my 17th Birthday. I love you gave me a ring for my 20th birthday and you were so shy about it that you put it in one huge plastic bag and passed it to me without even looking at me. I love you for wanting to marry me, for wanting me to have your all-boy team for kids. I love you for proposing in 2003 and I still love you eventhough you broke the engagement a month later. I love how we hardly get into any fight cause we are both just so easy-going. I really miss living with you sometimes.
I love how you would always talk about me to your friends with chest swelling with pride, thank you darling. I am very proud of you too. You will be a doctor soon, be a good one okay? I love how you always tell me and remind of how 'perfect' I am. I am glad that at least, to you, I am perfect. I love how you still think so, until now.

I love how you forgave ne, I love how you raced and won me back after I faltered and stepped away. I love you could just love me again and again, more and more.
I love how we went camping up the hill in TaiChung and everything turned upside down, where we camped next to the bustling road and the stray dog took our bbq meat away. I love how you would remember exactly what I like to eat and drink and take the liberty to buy them for me before I even asked for it. You still remember I like yam and dan bing? The memories of us are endless, we agreed about that last week didn't we? Our foolish, younger days...

I will never forget them. You gave me the best days of my life. My growing up days. Priceless. I will always love you and I hope you are happy always.


Though sometimes, I do wish that you were more driven as a person, more responsible, with a more directed function in life, rather than spending your days with not much aim nowadays. I wish you were more loyal too. =) But you told me you're a changed man now, so.. I am happy for you and Connie. And please stop comparing me to your new girlfriend (s), it would upset them!


If anyone asked again (Clement asked once), " Wouldn't you want somebody to love you just the way you are?"

I guess I would answer , " Yes, Kenny once loved me exactly that way, I was how blessed"

My friends still think that we will end up together again one day, but seems like fate hasn't been on our side for the longest time. So, =).




To Kenneth,

I have now met a man who could treat their girlfriend like a business entity. An investment. I know you told me you loved me, eventhough in the end, you decided to re-mortgage the love and pay in installments!

Your New Year wish 03/04 was for me to be your wife and I had sad, "Done".
You wanted to marry me, no doubt. But, darling, you wanted a trophy wife. I am not sure you ever really loved me. You were the most MCP boyfriend I've ever had, you were a little too controlling and dominating.

But I did love you. I love you for being reliable and generous. I love you for trying to open up your frozen heart to love me and warm up to me. I know you've beens single and loving it the previous 2 years. I love you for taking me across the NSW plains with your baby Honda CBR600, although racing bikes are hardly meant for passengers, my knees cramped =). I love how you just know so many things about so many bloody things. I love how your friends lovingly call you 'Heng Tai". I love how you are such a man-man. I love how you are a HongKie yet a Singaporean, yet an Australian. I love how you love your mom, though I know you're too cold blooded to show sometimes. I know I called you cold blooded reptile last time, I still think so!
I love you for knowing me so well and trying to change my bad habits, including , my untidiness, sloppiness, half-fyuck-half-fyuck attitude and clumsiness. I love you for letting me be the good wiefy at home and serve you like a king. I am sorry about the green laundry and the melted pans though =).

I love it when ,at one time, you came home from work, found the apartment filled with smokes from the oven and grill coz I was grilling satays, but all you said as you closed the door, ever so calmly, was "Honey, you didn't call the fireman ah?" and then you'd kiss me , "So, what did you burn today?"

I love you for dressing me up like a doll, though I hate it when you dissed my dress sense and threw away my Guess Boots! I love you for generously spending on me, not because I wanted them, but because at that time, I could not afford such luxuries to have the lifestyle you wanted to experience with me. I love you for being so smart and driven, so sturdy and confident, though nearing cocky. I love you for being such an amazing lover.

However, I wish you could be less controlling, less of a dictator, more of a caring friend. I wish you would listen to my problems and instead of scolding me, speak to me sweet nothings to soothe the pains. But knowing you, these words are just not in your dictionary!
I wish you would treat me less of a business entity, where I would be an asset when you have become that big-shot business man and need a pretty, sophisticated, smart, capable wife to host your company parties and entertain your business partners.
I am sorry I gave up and I am even sorrier that you wouldn't forgive me until now.
If I were given a chance to turn back time, I think I'd give myself more time and less ultimatum. Sometimes, I still regret not giving us more time.


To Gary,

The craziest love of my life. My dear dear Captain Scary.
Haha.. I don't even know where to start. Loving you was like swimming against the currents, running against the typhoon.
All my friends have graded you F, they have all disapproved. They have all disagreed with me. But I kept going and pushing myself, til the furthest I could. I waited and fought but in the end, we still failed. However, I know that behind that crude, fierce, raw facade of yours, lies a kind heart. Sadly, it must have been marred with scratches and wounds of the past. I wish you would stop looking at life with such bitter, ice-cold eyes now.

Nevertheless, I love you. Heaven knows how much, because I think I stood the most SHITS from you. Heh Heh. You've fed me with wayyy too much shits. I stood your funky mood swings, your rudeness, your selfishness, your DEAD days!, you crazy nights! , your stuphors, your malices, your scandals, your funny fetishes!!!
Sigh..
Even Jason thought that we were perfect for each other cause we are both psychos! Haha..

But still I thought I love you. I thought we connect so well, when you're in a connectable mood of course. I love how we could come up with the most ridiculous witty conversations.
How we would do the stupidest things together, including buying a banana from 7-11 at 4 in the morning and aimed it at the karang gurni man, the construction men and the newspaper man on the road. I love how you pushed me down the slope with a trolley, how we fought with boxing gloves. I love how you would dig my nose and tell me to pawn the shit. I love you would scratch my soles and draw on it. I love how you draw 6 pecs on my tummy. I love how you used to call every day at work for a few hours. I love you for sending the cutest messages which I wouldn't have imagined coming from you, like calling me princess, who would have thought? I love you for being so crass, so crude, so non-chalant about every single damn thing. I love you for being so roaringly funny, for coming up with the sweetest surprises, like those lunches you brought me, I know driving from Sembawang to Boon Lay is no short trip.
I love how you giggle when I giggle, and then kiss my forehead so lovingly. I love how you always say that I am so full of nonsense, with that irresistible grin. I love you would put your arms around my neck and my head could hardly reach your chin.
Then when I go :"I'm so short..", you would go.."I likee.."
I love how you would cook me supper, breakfast and lunches, you have yet to cook me dinner! I love your bacon-asparagus rolls for my New Year BBQ, all my friends loved it. I love you for being one amazing cook. Where's my sambal ikan bilis you promised til now! Also, thank you for helping me move the dining table from Chinatown last weekend, I know it was a bitch. I didn't expect you to be so nice after the storms calmed. *sigh*

But, I do wish that you were more dependable, reliable and civilised. I wished you could be more responsible and sane. I wish you would be more considerate and less moody too (oh Heavens, please..). I wish you could be more courteous and reply more SMS-es!! I thought I could guide you to more happiness, more colours in your life, tidy it up a bit, help you save money, get your sanity back, get you calmed and settled, get you to appreciate life itself again, turn you into less of an egoistical arsewipe, get you off so many horrible habits and social behaviour tendencies. I tried darling, but I think I give up lah. I think. I just don't know why fate keeps making us cross path, making us dance the moments.

Almost forgot, thank you for my Eee-pod, Bb. I know you painted someone's house for 2 days to buy it for me.

Ah, til then.



To Clement,

You are my Mr Perfect. You are. There is hardly anything about you I wish I could change. Though I wish I could turn back time and undo the wrongs I could right. You would one day make someone a very, very, very lucky woman.

I love you for being a man who would honour his every word, a man who wouldn't make empty promises. A gentleman. I love you for being so honest. Ah. Contradictions here, you are honest and real and yet, I love you for saying the right things at the right time. You are mostly politically correct. haha.. in other words, white liar sometimes. Nevertheless, I love you for being so reliable, so responsible, so caring, so warm. I love you buying food for my mom and brother when I had no time to do it cause I was busy with my musical, though you really didn't have to buy so much and so expensive! Thank you. I love you for being so civilised to the people around me, including my brother and took him for supper. I love you for doing all the little things that calls for responsibility. I love you for taking me to that lavish dinner at the Oriental with you parents, brother and his girlfriend. I love you for being just the most civilised, responsible, courteous boyfriend ever.

I love you for having the biggest heart ever!! , for being so considerate, for being so real, so level-headed, so pragmatic, for being a realist, I can't forget your words, "I don't think life is ugly, I just don't think it's that beautiful". If only I were just given the chance to show you that it is beautiful...

I love you for being so articulate, so smart, so intelligent, so knowledgable, so musical, so refined. I love for being witty and for putting grins and giggles on my face every now and then. I love how you care for the needy ones, I love how you dream to retire soon, and concentrate on music and charity. I love how you work so hard for your money eventhough you are born with a silver plate. I love it how you are so generous to me, despite what your friends told me about you, that you were a miser =).I love you for being just so correct, so noble. I love you for being so humble, so down-to-earth. I love you for making all my friends love you. Who wouldn't? I love you for taking me to musicals. I love you for taking me to dinners, lunches. I love how I can talk to you about my problems and you would patiently listen. I love how you were still so keen to see me eventhough I was once in a bad mood.

I love you for hugging me tight to sleep. I love you for waking up whenever I suddenly stirred and woke up in the middle of the night, I love how you would then spoon me again to sleep and tell me how much you love me and how everything will be just fine. I love how you would kiss my forehead. I love how you would kiss my palm and tell me :"You know that I love you a lot, don't you?". I love how you keep telling me again and again how lovely, beautiful and wonderful I am. You have no idea how much in love I was with you, I'd drop 3 bestfriends at Zouk to spend time with you.

I love you for being such a deep thinker, how you think far, though I think sometimes you escalate the mole into a mountain, or maybe it's just me.

I love it when you pluck those guitar strings and serenade me with your husky, sexy voice. I love it how we can work on a song and sing a duet. I love it how we have a common passion in music.

I love how we could generate our own cutesy language, you did say that within 2 months, we could write a dictionary of our own language. I love how you are so sensitive towards me, I love how you try to make efforts to be my ideal boyfriend.
I love how you would wake up in the morning and smile upon me. Your hugs and kisses are the warmest. I love how you would still watch some World Cup games with me eventhough you told me you were not a fan. I love how you would let me be just the way I am.

Sometimes, it still pains me that I'm not the one.

Because that one girl, whoever she is, if you do decide to marry her one day, will get herself the best husband in the entire world.

She will be how lucky. =)


I am a little sad that we could no longer do the things we planned to do. Including our trip to KL, to Jakarta, to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, to do the Quando duet, to go to East Coast and eat.. to go to Brazil Curascharia, to go to your cousin's wine bar....

...

...





I am gonna tear liao...



So, question is...

Who do you think I love the most?

And if I do get the chance to go back with one of them,
provided they love me back fully,
which one should I go for?



=)




Hmmm......